Hello Stranger.

January 21, 2016

So. Much. Life. Has happened in the past (almost) two years since my last post.  I love a good list.  So here’s a very long winded listed recap of my life.

  • In August of 2014 we moved (again) back to the town where we first moved in together in 2007 and were married in 2009.  We haven’t moved since, even though we are quickly outgrowing our current house.  We love it here.  The school’s are great, it’s quiet and progressive and very conducive to living a healthy lifestyle.
  • I turned 30 and ran 13.1 miles the same day in September 2014.  It was the hardest and best thing I had done up until that point in my life.  Training went really well for the race.  The race itself taught me I enjoy the process of training for races more than the actual races.  It was unseasonably warm.  I forgot to put on sunblock.  I dropped my hat somewhere around mile 3.  I thought “who thought this was a good idea…oh wait, that was me” a lot.  But I finished and am I better runner for it.
  • Things with my eldest bonus-kid  have sadly worsen over the course of  two years. My husband came VERY close to being awarded custody in March of 2015, to have his narcissistic, manipulative, sociopath ex lie and deceive to keep that from happening.  After the last court hearing in April of 2015, we have slowly seen bonus kid less and less. We now see her about once a month at this point, for less than 24 hours.   What little communication between visits, through text messages is only about cancelling scheduled time and is obviously heavily influenced by her mother.  Whenever we do get to see her, she  is always kind, and sweet and you can tell she misses us, even though she won’t vocalize those words.  Her actions say so much.
  • In July of 2015, my younger bonus-kid came to live with us full time.  She is doing great, and things we her mother are great.  Besides that mom is having a tough time in life and doesn’t see her kid nearly as much as she would prefer.
  • The best for last: On October 3, 2015 I became a Mama. Our sweet girl has replaced the half marathon as the hardest and best thing I have done (and probably ever will do).  She is the best. I may be a bit biased.  So what.

I had an easy, uncomplicated pregnancy.  I was active the entire time, keeping up with running until half way through my second trimester, and then continuing Pure Barre classes 4-5 times a week until my 36th week.  The I walked (waddled more like it) 3-4 times a week until the day I delivered.

I was not prepared for the crash.  Everyone talks about postpartum depression.  I had read or heard little about postpartum anxiety.  After we came home from the hospital, when the surge of Oxytocin ended, I was sleep deprived.  I was recovering from labor. I was not feeling like myself at all.  I felt like a completely different person, who had absolutely no idea what the hell she was doing.  I tend to worry a bit, but the combination of hormones and this huge life change began a vicious cycle of worry and intrusive negative thoughts.  The what-if’s had me in tears every other day.  It took me practically my entire maternity leave to accept a few important things:

  • I have to take care of myself before I can take the best care of my baby.
  • I can’t control my baby, but I can learn how to best care for her.  She is who she is, and that’s okay.
  • She’s happy and developing: stop worrying something is wrong.
  • Worrying about things doesn’t keep them from happening.

My current goal is to work in fitness whenever and where ever I can.  It is my best and favorite stress management tool.  Being in Ohio during winter makes this a bit difficult, but I might just have to break down and join the nearby gym for a while.  Pure Barre is my favorite, but the studio is a bit of a drive, so I’m waiting until the babe is a bit older to jump back into things at the studio.  I have been running outside when possible, but anything below 27 degrees or so makes me REALLY cold 🙂

I hope to get back to this space somewhat regularly, so stay tuned for whatever’s in store for me in 2016.

Until next time!

 

 

 

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So this is the New Year.

January 1, 2014

Oh hai.  Remember me?  You can stop assuming that Thanksgiving Day 10k was the end of me….although it definitely slowed me down for a while for about a week afterwards.  I am really glad I ran it, but, it was probably the stupidest race I could have done for my first one.  Over 17,000 people and freezing cold…I am still not sure why I thought that was a good idea.  I finished with a semi decent time (not nearly as fast as my usual distance pace but whatever) and that is all that matters. 

I somehow survived the holiday season this year.  It felt as if I was being pulled in all these directions when I really just wanted to watch NetFlix in my pajamas.  Sometimes I did, but eventually I would have the guilt and feel the need to be around actual people for a change.   For the first time in pretty much my entire life I am glad to see the end of the holiday season.  I am usually one to leave the Christmas tree up until the weekend after New Year’s but that sucker came down on the 31st with little melancholy on my part…and that was after a solid 5 days of pure procrastinating avoidance like “I should really take the tree down…or I could re-watch another episode of Season 1 of Dexter!” (My husband and I finally finished out that series early December and I think it added to my “meh” holiday spirit.  Yes, I just admitted a crappy ending to one of my favorite cable series gave me mild holiday depression.  Way to let me down, Showtime, I’ll send you my counseling bills.)

I am lucky enough to have a job where they send us home the Friday before Christmas and we don’t go back until after New Year’s so I have been working out pretty much as much as I want.  I would really love for this final 15 pounds to get the f out.  I’m attempting to “take it up a notch” with my workouts and actually hold myself accountable for everything I eat.  So far I have really awesome days, and then there’s a holiday.  Like New Year’s where I pretty much drank more calories than I typically eat in a day.  So.  Yeah.  My emotional well being needed a good old fashioned New Year’s, and now I can safely say I’m ready to do this thing. 

Bring it, 2014.

Oh, and I also deactivated my Facebook, because really, it just makes me mildly to moderately annoyed these days. We’ll see how long I last, since it had basically became a small addiction. Maybe it will make me spend more time here?  Let’s hope.

 

12.

December 29, 2012

I have been consistently active throughout every month of this year.  I have lost 23 pounds to date.  No one else could have done that for me. 

Going into 2013 I really want to step things up a bit.  I talk a lot here about cleaning up my diet, and I have made some major changes in how I look at eating and the foods I put in my body, but I haven’t seen the success in the kitchen like I have at the gym.  I know i am capable, I just have to follow through.  

I have succeeded in making fitness a part of my life, and that is something no amount of weight loss can replace.

Here is to another year full of sweaty times, and hopefully another year of growing as a person.

 

Stuck.

September 24, 2012

So.  I have been losing and gaining the same four pounds for about two months now.  It is getting really old.  I’ve decided there needs to be some major changes to my routine.  I’m going to keep with the moderate to high intensity early morning workouts but I’m striving to do something different every day.  For example, today I ran intervals of running/power walking switching every minute on the treadmill for 25 minutes.  Then I did the aerobic program on the elliptical for 15 minutes.  I think I need to get over my fear of something new and try the rowing machine.  I used to bike either on the stationary or recumbent and I haven’t been doing either lately.  I’m also going to start walking a couple miles in the evenings as well.  I need to get my husband in on this (he recently went from retail where he was on his feet all day long back to a graphic design 9-5 job where he sits all day) as well.  The fresh air will do us both good and since we are in Ohio, the pleasant early fall weather could be gone any day.

The biggest thing is: I need to clean up my diet.  I am not doing very good lately with making healthy choices with what I put in my body.  I need to remember just because it is the weekend, it does not justify eating poorly.  Or just because I had a shit day at work, doesn’t mean I get to eat pizza for dinner. Breaking 20+ years of emotional eating does not happen over night, but I have already made gigantic strides on certain things.  I no longer eat when I’m bored, and any time I’m hungry right after eating I drink a glass of water because I’ve learned I’m usually just thirsty.  I often think of the following quote I saw on Pinterest:

“Do not reward yourself with food, you are not a dog.”

I also need to remember it took 2.5 years for me to gain almost 40 pounds, Losing 20 of that in 9 months isn’t horrible progress.  It is twenty pounds down.  I have a 2 1/2 year old niece who weighs about 26 pounds (she is a lil thing!) and that is practically what I was carrying around before.  That is some heavy stuff.  I need to stop comparing my current progress to how my last weight loss went.  That was three years ago.  This is now.  I need to learn to stop looking back so much.
It doesn’t get you anywhere but stuck.

This week is all about looking forward, because like it or not, the future becomes the present every day.

Thoughts and stuff.

September 11, 2012

I have been keeping up with my early morning gym trips where I have gotten back into a routine of running 3 days a week and elliptical machine-ing it the rest of the time.  Somedays if I am feeling bored, I’ll split time between a bike and the elliptical as well. I have also added daily strength exercises, because I felt like I wasn’t getting enough lately.  This also keeps me from getting bored with the same thing every day.  Which is totally key to sticking with it.  As the weather gets cooler, I’m thinking about adding a morning run to Saturday or Sunday.  I love this time of year, so to be able to run in it makes me a happy woman.

I know I expected to have lost a lot more by this time when I set out back in January to finally take control over my habits.  I think gaining a new approach and outlook to my life (after flailing a bit in the beginning) makes my slow yet steady pace alright.

People have been noticing my weight loss.  Sometimes I notice it as well.  But I need to weigh in.  It has been a few weeks since my last one. I have an irrational (and long running) fear of the number on the scale.  I need to get over this because seeing tangible proof is always a good thing.

Six.

July 27, 2012

We had our final weigh in for the weight loss challenge at work today.  In 8 Weeks I lost 6 pounds.  Nothing to get very excited about but I’ll take it.  Especially since the week of and after Fourth of July was a bad time for me, I gained 4.2 pounds over those 14 days.

Since last Friday I am down 1.4 pounds.  This week I took Monday, Thursday and Friday off from the gym.  I was feeling a bit burnt out and achy and thought I might benefit from a break.  Losing that a bit while being out of my usual routine is an added bonus.

This weekend are going to a block party at my in-laws so I am going to keep water in my hand at all times.  That seems to help the constant grazing that happens at such events.  I’m also not going to drink because besides the empty calories, I let my guard down and over eat when imbibing.

I’m not sure if I am going to make my wedding dress goal, but I am going to keep working towards it even if it doesn’t happen by then.

Happy Friday!